Pay Attention

Yeah, that would have been nice…

Via Wikipedia:

Yum! Brands Chairman David C. Novak is credited with introducing the Crystal Pepsi concept. In a December 2007 interview,^[10] he stated:

It was a tremendous learning experience. I still think it’s the best idea I ever had, and the worst executed. A lot of times as a leader you think, “They don’t get it; they don’t see my vision.” People were saying we should stop and address some issues along the way, and they were right. It would have been nice if I’d made sure the product tasted good. Once you have a great idea and you blow it, you don’t get a chance to resurrect it.

In which I thwart Adam.

• Me: a problem with Buffy season six--if Warren could build sophisticated robots, why wasn't he just making legitimate millions?
• Stephen: Or freeze rays. I feel like this is a common issue with super-villains.
• Me: This is true. But all the other Buffy villains were supernatural and operated in those worlds.
• Me: Or, like the Mayor, had actually achieved material success.
• Stephen: I think he's in the Lex Luthor mold- a legitimate genius motivated by obsession to kill the hero.
• Me: One way of looking at it I suppose. Though the obsession seems to come later in the season.
• Me: After he's already decided to go down this not as profitable as it could be path.
• Stephen: maybe there's a deleted scene that explains his descent into crime is really a critique of patent law.
• Me: curses, you win again.
• Stephen: And thus Adam turned to super-villainy.

On Girls, Boys, and Appearance

I went to a dinner party at a friend’s home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, “Maya, you’re so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”

But I didn’t. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are. What’s wrong with that? It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

The above is from Lisa Bloom’s How to Talk to Little Girls at the Huffington Post, which has been making the rounds.

In response, Hugo Schwyzer writes: 

But we also need to remember that fashion isn’t the enemy. Cruel and narrow standards and impossible ideals are. Ignoring subjects like clothes and hair does nothing to equip our daughters and little sisters (and, let’s face it, ourselves) to deal with the pressure to look good. All it does is leave many girls feeling shallow for still caring about beauty.

It’s not evidence of superficiality to take an interest in clothes or shoes or make-up. Girls can care about fashion while also caring about books, about sports, about nature, about making a difference in the world. We need to get past the myth that an interest in beauty makes you vain and frivolous. Girls need to be reassured that it’s okay to care about clothes and hair, but they also need reminders that they are valued for so much more than their looks. Let’s lose the false choice that says we either validate little girls for their brains or for their beauty. We need to be fearless about praising both.

Both pieces are probably worth checking out in full, and I wanted to add my own thoughts.

I notice how people interact with my daughters, and how it changes depending on how they’re dressed. While they’re usually dressed in obvious “girl clothes,” we do sometimes dress them in clothes from the boys’ department because that’s the only way to get a t-shirt with frickin’ dinosaur or a robot on it.

When they were younger and had shorter hair, I noticed that people would treat them differently when they thought they were boys. They’d rough house with the a little, or mention football or baseball. When they’re dressed more girly, the remarks tend to be about their appearance. 

So I think there’s a lot of merit in thinking about how we talk to girls, and in making a point of addressing their minds more than their appearance. If we’re stopping at the superficial level of their hair and clothes, then that’s unquestionably a bad thing, and if your interaction with a child is by it’s nature superficial (like a remark in the grocery store), then you can also talk about the weather.

Really, you can talk about the weather with kids. A kid’s day is much more tied to the weather than an adult’s.

The other side of this, the side that Schwyzer addresses, is that appearance is important in our society, and possibly in all societies. People notice how we dress, groom, and take care of our bodies. It matters more to some than others, but nearly everyone uses appearance to form their first impressions of us. His point is that we can’t ignore this, that we need to have conversations about it, and that it’s ok to have an interest in it.

I agree, and I think it’s important for our boys, too.

I was a fat, awkward kid. At least that’s how I remember myself. I look at old pictures now and realize that I wasn’t always, but that’s my self image from my early pre-teen years on.

I can also remember, a handful of times, overhearing negative remarks about my appearance from other kids, and even from adults. I remember how much those comments stung, and how I internalized the ones from trusted authority figures. They formed my self image, and by the time I was in high school I made it a point to willfully reject anything that smacked of fashion. It being the grunge-era, I had some social feedback for this choice, but even alt-kids had a style that I lacked.

I remember telling a friend that I was never going to look good anyway, so why bother worrying about clothes? 

At the same time, I really wanted to change. I wanted to look better, and to dress better, but I had no idea how to do those things. Beyond criticizing me, or teasing me, I’m not sure anyone outside of my parents had ever talked to me about how to look or dress better.

And come on, mom and dad? Uncool.

I don’t blame anyone. I don’t think I got worse treatment than anybody else. My point is that, as a boy, I was hungry for that sort of conversation. So even as we dial back the conversations about appearance with our girls, we might want to dial them up with our boys. 

San Francisco Food Recommendations

I love San Francisco, but I lived there so briefly that most of my friends know it far better than I do. When my friend Adam asked for dining recommendations, I turned it over to them, and I got a lot of good responses, but my other friend Adam’s response was epic:

 So if I were visiting from DC, I would focus heavily on Asian food
because it’s several notches above almost anything you can get in the
district. On the other hand, most ethiopian food is going to be
underwhelming (though Moya is worth a mention). The main problem with this
strategy is that many of the best asian places are a bit of a hike if you
are relying on public transit, but I’ll throw them out there anyway and you
can decide whether it’s worth it.

Vietnamese sandwiches are probably the cheapest lunch you can find. I like
irving cafe and deli and Y and Y vietnamese deli. Saigon sandwiches on
larkin is a very popular alternative.

SF does regional chinese very well. Shanghai dumpling king or shanghai house
on balboa for soup dumplings. Z and Y in chinatown for sichuan. R and G
lounge or yuet lee for cantonese seafood. Hong kong S and T on noriega for
afffordable dim sum. Old mandarin islamic restaurant or kingdom of dumpling
for northern/beijing style. There is also a northeastern style place called
dong bei mama that just opened, but I haven’t yet had a chance to try it.
Henry’s hunan is pretty decent for hunan, and is close to where you are
staying.

For korean, To Hyang on geary is my alpha and omega.

Vietnamese: ha nam ninh for northern style pho. Ngoc mai for banh xeo, the
vietnamese crepe. Pho huynh hiep on irving or pho garden for southern style
pho.

Thai: almost all of the best are in the tenderloin. Lers ros, thai house
express on geary, and sai jai are the ones to hit.

Singaporean: lime tree on irving is cheap and good value.

Burmese: my favorite is little yangon, but it is just over the daly city
line and you may not want to go that far. Mandalay and burmese kitchen are
also decent options. I think burma super star is overrated.

Persian: lavash on irving.

Indian/pakistani: my personal preference is for lahore karahi above even
pakwan and shalimar. That tandoori fish they do is great. I think darbar on
polk is pretty good too. As jeff notes, BYOB is still formally illegal, but
I think pakwan currently is more relaxed about it right now. There is now a
branch of amber india in downtown SF, but I haven’t been (and it definitely
ain’t cheap).

Turkish: a la turca is good.

North african: cafe zitouna on polk is very good (tunisian). I wish i’d
sampled more of the moroccan places…

Taquerias: pancho villa taqueria is my current champion. Farolito, only if
you are drunk. I personally can’t stand taqueria cancun.

Salvadoran: los planes in the excelsior might have the best pupusas, but is
a schlep. Balompie cafe or el zocalo are good alternatives and more
convenient.

Other mexican: haltun and poc-chuc are excellent for yucatecan. Chilango on
church for slightly upscale mexico-city style food. Pastores on mission also
rocks. La oaxaquena for dirt cheap and delicious tamales.

Guatemalan: san miguel #2 is a good bet.

Russian/georgian: moscow and tbilisi bakery on geary has $2 piroshkis. They
are greasy as hell but make for good and filling snacks.

if you like oysters, lots of places have them for $1 each at happy hour.
Swan oyster depot isn’t cheap anymore, but is an experience.

I left off the french, italian, etc. simply because there are lots of
recommendations for the in the thread already and also because they tend to
be pricier, but let me know if you want pizza recommendations. 3:17 PM